City Girl Lessons Learned V3.0 - Driving a Tractor

Is holy crap fun!!!!



1. Not matter how fat your butt is, it will be sore after riding in that hard metal seat.
2. If you are trying to look at someone or something, grass will immediately fly up and hit you in the face, blinding you and causing an involuntary flailing of the arms which makes you look as though you are being attacked by a swarm of bees, which will cause you to veer off course and look like an idiot.
3. Most old tractors do not come with power steering...so your arms will want to give out on you...most likely in the middle of a turn, which will cause you to veer off course and look like an idiot, again. I promise.
4. Thankfully, items #2 & #3 were not caught on video for those of you who were looking for it. Thank you.
5. At the end of the day (if this is your first time), then you have done something that you have never done before...and that alone is worth being proud of.

One of THOSE Conversations...

Doug and I worked on our living wills, wills, and power of attorney paperwork the other night. That was a very tough conversation. It's one thing to mention in passing that you want a big party when you die..."just don't piss on my ashes", but to have to sit down and actually type that up and click the buttons is a whole different can of worms (pun intended). What was realy odd was that when Doug was talking about his wishes...I was okay.

But then we came to mine and I couldn't help but start crying. Go figure...until I realized that I sincerely hope that Doug does not outlive me.

And before you start thinking I'm a selfish heinous person, it's because I don't want him to have to go through that. I don't want him to have to go through having me creamated, and seeing an urn in the living room, or whatever room (probably the bathroom - just please don't mistake me for cat litter). The pain of calling out to me and I'm not there. Or missing my touch when we pass by each other, or my voice, or my cold butt/feet on his body in the middle of the night. Or missing me calling out body-parts in German as we lay in bed on Sunday mornings.

I don't want him to feel that sadness...and I only know what kind of sadness he would feel because I would/will feel it when he is gone too and that hurts me more than anything.

I Love You, mein Shatz!

Working on a Promise...

So it dawned on me this morning in the bathroom (I think about things A LOT) that part of the reason why I am so inconsistent with my posting is that during the week, I get sucked into the crap at my job. So when I get home in the evening, the only thing I want to do is pop the top on my brain, let it ooze out and not think about anything beyond how long I can pick my nose toes.

All of the interesting stuff really happens on the weekends. Like this weekend when we got the tractor. I have some GREAT pictures of that as well as some video, but have I put it up here for you to enjoy? NO! Because I can't manage to work beyond the 8th level of tired during the week to edit some pictures and think of clever little things to say about the goings on at the farm...and for that I am sorry. I'm not sure how many more times I will apologize for my ineptness. Maybe one day I will get over it and post regularly. Perhaps we could just look at it as an adventure to see if I can even consistantly manage to do this. Who's up for an adventure?

It could be like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book, which by the way...just to give you an insight to my personality, my grandmother and I used to plot those books out on huge pieces of paper taped together to visually see the outcomes. Perhaps...now you can understand. Maybe that's why it is so hard for me to do things that are ongoing? Like journaling/blogging, etc. If I can't plot it out and see a definite course, I don't want to play, I get discouraged and I give up. Well, I have a HUGE newsflash for myself...IT ALL HAS THE SAME ENDING!!!! Wow...that was pretty deep. So, what I'm saying then is that all those motivational posters are right...it's not the destination, it's the journey. Holy crap...this blogging thing is like therapy.

I should send myself a bill.

A Year Later

I can't believe that it has been a year since I started this here little blog. It looks like I didn't have nearly as much to say as I thought I would. As a one year gift, it is my goal and commitment to post more regularly.

I guess I still don't think that people want to read what I have to say. Or to be more realistic...I have a lot of days like I did today...and I think that the best option is for me to just keep my mouth shut...or not type as the case may be. It prevents people from getting their feelings hurt.

As I think back to a year ago...I can say that some things are definitely better and some things just haven't changed.

But I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles...and the world just keeps turning.

Confused...

I was sitting at a stop light the other day and saw a gentleman standing there eating an apple and holding a sign...that said..."Really Hungry".