Deer Hunter

Since we are coming up on the last weekend of hunting season and I am trying to move the few posts I have from myspace over here, I wanted post the story of my first deer hunt.

My First Hunt
An event occurred in my life that was a "right of passage". An event that it dawned on me that I could write about. Those of you who know me, know who I am and where I stand on things. You know that I am not very squeamish about things…except spiders and roaches. But there are some things that occur in your life that make you question why you feel the way you do. That doesn't mean you'll change your mind, but it also doesn't mean you won't. But you stop….and reevaluate.

Doug and I had decided long ago that I needed to kill a deer at some point. I understood the logic, I have to know that if it came down to it in a primal way, I could do what had to be done to make sure there is food on the table. I get that…I just didn't know it would be this day. We were headed out to Mason, TX for the weekend to visit my Dad and stepmom. We took my rifle….just in case (those of you who know me also know there is never a shortage of guns around). Doug told me that my Dad had mentioned wanting to take me out to the blind this weekend. I didn't think that I was ready (and hoped that I had gotten out of it by not having a license – but as anyone who has ever lived in Texas for any extended amount of time knows that buying a hunting license is like picking up a pack of gum at your local convenience store). Short of stepping out the vehicle and trekking back home 70 miles, I wasn't getting out of it. Of course, I am exaggerating. All I had to do was say "no". But I didn't. I understood what my dad wanted. He wanted to be the one with me on my first hunt. There were so many things that he missed out on when I was growing up. This was one opportunity he didn't want to pass up. And to be honest, after all of the years of a dysfunctional relationship and starting to build up a new one, I didn't want to pass it up either. So I sat there, thinking. What would my reaction be, what if I missed, would my dad be upset?

That afternoon we went out to the blind, got in, and loaded up. I won't go into all of the details of the next 45 minutes, but we saw several does, and we sat there watching them eat…then he stepped out. A beautiful buck. If you have ever had the opportunity to watch deer in the wild, they are magnificent creatures. Almost regal. My dad asked if I wanted him. I said "okay" and raised my rifle. At this point I wasn't thinking about anything else but getting my scope on target. Then all that ran through my head was Doug’s instructions. I dropped the sight and aimed at his neck, inhaled, exhaled and pulled the trigger. I didn't think I got him, but I did. My dad turned to my with the proudest look in his eyes and gave me a high five. I walked over to the animal and immediately gave my thanks to it.

I don't want to go into the details of what happened next. But I do want to say a few things. I now am of the strong belief that anyone, child or adult, who has killed their first deer, should not have to look at it beyond pulling the trigger. I have processed several deer before this day and was NEVER bothered by it. But I watched this beautiful defenseless creature ( I say defenseless for a reason) that I had taken the life from, be systematically processed. And it was different from any other animal I had seen harvested. I don't regret what I did. I am proud that I was able to do it, I just wish I hadn't. I hope that makes sense. I don't know if I will hunt again. Who knows? Maybe I will when the images are not so fresh in my head. Maybe I will never hunt again. And I am sure that there may be some people out there that think I am a wuss for feeling this way. That's fine. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink. But in my own way this blog is my tribute and "Thank You" to that buck that became my "right of passage" and allowed my father and me to have one of a few father/daughter moments together.